In A Word… I’m Depressed

Robin Williams’ apparent suicide has many people thinking and talking about depression. But I wonder how many will own up to their own struggles. I’ve battled depression most of my adult life and very likely during my adolescence as well. I’ve never considered suicide but I have certainly believed that, if I were to die, no one would be too sad.  I clearly remember standing on a corner in Dublin, Ireland, crying as I waited to cross the street, when I had the thought that, if I were run over by a bus, not one person would care…. not my children, husband or friends. Everyone, I believed, would go on with their lives as if I had never existed. It wouldn’t be a big deal to my family since I was absent in most of the vacation photos (I was the camera woman). I believed it would be easy to replace me with someone else.  If I were a person prone to suicidal thoughts I may well have stepped off that curb that day. Instead, walking beside my family, I buried the thoughts and walked on. No one asked why I had tears in my eyes and I didn’t offer an explanation. Tears make people very uncomfortable because they REQUIRE a response of some sort. Tears unacknowledged make a depressed person feel even lower.

The church has been especially guilty of making conversations about depression taboo. People are shocked when a believer takes his or her life. The words ‘I never would have thought this person capable of doing this’ flow like oil.  Read comments about Robin Williams and you will see the same theme. If a person doesn’t jump back from disappointments, hurts, losses, they are often dismissed. What I do know is depression is not a sin; it is an illness, one very often misdiagnosed and rarely talked about. People are okay with telling others about their physical ailments but rarely do we tell people about struggles with our emotions and thoughts. So people with depression suffer in silence, often wearing bright smiles or being seemingly okay with people talking about them being ‘angry.’ We walk past each other and don’t SEE anyone else’s pains. Our children spend every waking hour connected to some kind of technology with 500 ‘friends’ and no one to talk to. People don’t know how to talk anymore. It’s a paradox; the more connected we are, the more disconnected we become.

Something must change if any of us is to survive and thrive. Entire generations are at risk.

In a word, I’m depressed. I KNOW God is a healer. I KNOW God loves me. Still, I’m sometimes depressed. Tell the truth, y’all.

I’m blessed by comedienne, Chonda Pierce’s story. Listen to her, enjoy a laugh, then think of someone who may need a call.

Chonda Pierce

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