Turning Stuff Off

Some of you may have seen my post on Facebook. Many will be surprised at what I divulged but I believe in transparency, even at the risk of people making fun of me or talking about me. My day, in fact, the past three months, have been a series of first one thing then another!

  • My Mother, my last parent, is terminally ill and in addition to battling the cancer that is eating her body, is having an internal battle with herself (and anyone who gets in her way). I love the way my sister put it. Mother has always been a lion. Now her body is that of a kitten. In her mind, she is still a lion. That would be a difficult place in which to find oneself! I’ve been traveling to DC as I can to help my siblings who are providing 24/7 care. Things have not been easy.
  • My beloved Ebony Heritage Singers went from a group of 45-65 singers to less than 25 this semester, a situation that really took me to my knees. I had an internal battle over whether to give up or fight. At the end, I came to the conclusion that ‘though (s)he slay me, yet shall I live.’  EHS has been a blessing for many people and I don’t believe God is through working through the ensemble or me in that capacity. So, I press on.
  • I continue to see food as the enemy and have a love/hate relationship with it. Like Paul, I find myself in a constant struggle: the food I should eat, that I don’t. The food I shouldn’t eat, that I do. Who will save me from my wretched self (smile).
  • I’ve questioned God about his memory in terms of remembering His call on my life – where are the invitations to preach, to do workshops and retreats? What am I going to do with all these dag blasted books on my shelves?
  • I’ve been constantly tired, working like crazy but with little to show for it. It’s a crazy cycle; maybe you’ve experienced it.
  • My list could go on and on.

Back to today. This is the third day of the week, one that commenced after driving from DC on Sunday. On Monday, our little guy nearly missed the bus. On Tuesday, the bus never came. Today, my husband dropped a huge smoothie – great for his body but horrible for the cabinets, floors and sink carpet. Those flecks of kale, parsley and all of that spirulina and chocolate protein powder painted everything in sight. Since he was already late, he cleaned a bit and I took over. No carpet cleaner, put water in the wrong part of the Little Bissel so the machine ‘didn’t work.’ I had an appointment at 7:45. At 7:30 I was still in pjs trying to clean the floor. Halfway to the doctor’s office I realized my phone was at home, with all of the information I needed. Things piled on from there. I walked back into the door at 5:45 only to be told that the water had been disconnected because of non-payment. The fact that the bill is being processed by the credit union doesn’t matter; there is no water in our home tonight. I have a 7:15 am flight; the water company opens at 7:30.

I was frustrated, exhausted, embarrassed and ready to put on my pjs and crawl in the bed. I was mortified when a friend wanted to rinse her hands before trying our crackers.

Then…. it occurred to me. The enemy has been trying to turn things off for a few years! It’s not just the water; I grew up in poverty so I know how to function without running water. I spent many of my formative years living in houses without running water or central heat for that matter. I thank God I no longer have to but having my water turned off is not going to kill me. satan should know better than that!

Ah, but if the enemy can turn off my joy, if he can turn off my peace; if the enemy can get me to turn off the knowledge and belief that God loves me with an everlasting love, that I am royalty, then the enemy can win.  I’ve spent the past year learning how to tap into the supernatural for healing, peace, joy, finances. I’ve been reading a wonderful book that is making a difference in my life and I am  fired up! I’ve seen God move in amazing ways even as I watched Dad McNeal die last fall and Mom and Dad Cox die the year before. I am a danger to the kingdom of darkness because I carry with me the Kingdom of LIGHT! So, the enemy needs to shut me down. Since he knows he doesn’t have to send huge events my way, he uses exhaustion, niggling doubt, people who should care about me speaking wrong words in the wrong way. If he can get me to concentrate on the things I see in the physical world, in the day-to-day, he can turn off my zeal for being a change agent and keep me from pulling from the spiritual realm.

It’s not going to happen! I’m going to turn HIM off!  I plan to TURN OFF every voice that speaks craziness, the craziness I way too often whisper to myself, exhaustion from filling my cup to overflowing, multitasking, every vestige of fear, and unrealistic expectations (we can NOT do and have it all and I want to smack the ad agency who tried to tell us we could!!!!).

Oh yeah, enemy. You took my water but I’m taking you. I’m not just turning the channel. I’m TURNING YOU OFF!!

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