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Intimacy: Chapter 11

Finding Sexual Agreement

This is a good chapter, my friends. Dr. Weiss talks about the ‘sexual system’ that most people do not realize they have developed and use. The system is unspoken, unclear and never agreed-upon. For many couples, this system is dysfunctional and has manipulation at its core and injury results.

God gives men and women the gift of sex. Yet, as in most things, God gives different versions of those gifts. Weiss teaches that God gifts men a strong sex drive that ‘glues a man to a woman spiritually, emotionally and neurologically.” (206). This gift is different in women whose sex drive comes mostly from the communion on an emotionally and spiritual realm. He believes “women intuitively desire spirit, soul and body sex for the majority of her sexual experiences.” A major part of a woman’s sexuality is ‘wrapped up in her spiritual and emotional needs met on a daily basis.” (207)

This chapter is designed to help couples create sexual agreement so that the unspoken, broken systems can be dismantled. We were created to love each other on many levels. Men and women may have different needs for sex in marriage but we all know that it is an important part of our intimacy. The men in my class were afraid that we would not get to the sex part since the book starts with spiritual intimacy. Hopefully, by now we all know that there is NO hope for sexual intimacy if we do not build spiritual and emotional intimacy.

Sexual Agreement occurs when men and women “intelligently and calmly discuss how often they both desire to have sexual intimacy and then fairly distributes the responsibility for initiating sex.” (210) IF YOU DO NOT AGREE ON A SEXUAL SYSTEM, YOU WILL STILL CREATE ONE without the agreement.

So, start talking and then….. (pages 211-226)

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