Lesson Three: Physical Intimacy

As we discussed in the first two chapters, physical intimacy, at its deepest level, is not possible nor is it sustainable unless a couple has first cultivated spiritual and emotional intimacy. Once couples have recognized the importance of these two levels, this important third level takes on a new level of depth and beauty.

God created us as physical beings. Every person needs to be touched – regularly – in order to have a good self-image. Non-sexual touch is very important because it is a NEED and not simply a WANT. The challenge for couples is that God often puts a person who has not grown up being touched with a person who likes to be touched. This makes for some very interesting (ok, stressful) situations if not dealt with properly. It is vitally important that couples get in touch with the value of touch in our marriages. This is critical not only for the health of the spouses but for the vitality of their children’s marriages. Married couples are the first models for their children on what marriage should be.

God gave us beautiful bodies which we offer as gifts to our spouses. Doug Weiss writes “sexual intimacy is the ability to engage your spouse spiritually, emotionally, and physically. It is the holy of holies of your relationship. Sexual intimacy allows us to know and be known in a way that no other person knows us.” (33). That’s why infidelity is such a problem. When a person is unfaithful to their spouse they are allowing another person to know them in a way that should be reserved only for their spouses. In other words, making love to your spouse creates a soul tie. When a person is unfaithful, they create a soul tie with another person.

God sees sex as sacred and holy. We should as well. Doug gives three principles for what he calls ‘three-dimensional sex’ in his book (35-37). I strongly encourage your reading and studying of these. One of the most important parts of Chapter Three is the introduction of the three stages of sexual development.

Stage One: Sexual Childhood
Regardless of age, a person may still be a child sexually. Sexual children do not understand that they are sexual beings, refuse to grow, experiment or explore their sexuality. They are emotional and unreasonable about marital sex.

Stage Two: Sexual Adolescent
These people are willing to be sexual but it is all about them. They refer to sex as “it,” “some,” and other object-type terms. They become angry or pouty when their needs are not met. They are often disconnected emotionally and spiritually during the sex act.

Stage Three: Sexual Adulthood
Weiss teaches that mature sexual adults accept their sexuality and learn to communicate within the limits of their personalities. This is the level to which we all need to strive.


2 Responses

  1. Mark,
    Thanks for posting. My husband and I have been married for 26 years and it has not been an easy journey. In fact, it’s been very difficult at times and but for the grace of God we would be another statistic. I want to encourage you to stay committed to doing the hard work. God’s promise never to leave you nor forsake you is also applicable to our marriages! And that’s reassuring when the world would teach you to let it go and move on.
    Stay encouraged, my friend.
    rev donna

  2. Great stuff. My wife and I are going through some hard times right now. Married for 13 years and you have me excited about breaking this cycle of frustration we go through. Thanks!

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