Chump Change Thinking

I will never forget a message a young speaker gave to the youth during one of Omega’s Youth Explosion events at the Downtown Y. I don’t remember his name but I’ve never forgotten his message. From time to time I find myself thinking about his words. Today, sitting on a Delta flight from Atlanta to Dayton, in that place between sleep and wakefulness – that place where God and I have many business meetings – I was drawn back to this message. The path was a bit circuitous as my thoughts often are. I was angry and frustrated at myself for eating everything that wasn’t nailed down… in multiples… this past week. I was on vacation I tell myself. The pitiful excuses I give myself are legion and by now routine. So are my declarations, chief among them ‘I’ll start fresh on Monday.’  As I imagined myself posting signs around my house “Don’t just start, FINISH” the Lord sent me back to that Friday night so many years ago and to this young man’s talk with fresh ears.

As we sat on the floor, the speaker asked a series of questions:

Q: If I offered you $50 would you ride a skateboard from Dayton to Columbus? Without hesitation we  respond, ‘Absolutely not! No way! Forget it! Too far!’ No one accepts his offer.

Q: If I offered you $500 would take the challenge?  With very little hesitation nearly everyone repeats the earlier answers - NO! The only ones who accept are small children who aren’t quite sure what he’s talking about anyway and the homeless man who came in to get free food.

Q: If I offered you $5000 would you ride a skateboard from Dayton to Columbus? A few stalwart listeners agree to take the challenge. But the majority of us, albeit more slowly this time,  reluctantly respond in the negative. It’s too far. Skate-boarding 70 miles is dangerous. $5000 is just not worth the effort it will take to complete the challenge.

The final question: Would you ride a skateboard from Dayton to Columbus for 1 million dollars? Every head – even mine – vigorously nods, emphatically states YES! I’ll do it! I don’t even know how to ride a skateboard. I tried it once and fell flat on my buttock before I knew what happened.  But my lack of skill riding a skateboard doesn’t matter. I’ll learn to skateboard. I didn’t care if it took two weeks to make it. A million dollars would change my life!

Why did so many decide that we could complete the challenge for a million dollars when just a few minutes earlier we had been vehemently declaring that the trip was too far and the challenge too dangerous? Our young speaker explained:

When the goal is big enough, the details don’t matter!

Even in a poor economy few would choose to ride to Columbus on a skateboard for $50-500. The risk is too great and the reward too small. Even $5000, a hefty sum to be sure, is not enough of an incentive for most people. And of those who accept the challenge, most will give up before they reach Dayton’s city limits. Ah, but a million dollars is a goal big enough to make most people look at the details with different eyes. Yes, it would be hard. Yes, there would be pitfalls. Yes, there would be struggles. BUT, the goal is worth it. When the goal is big enough, the details don’t matter! When the goal is important enough people do what they have to do to reach the desired end. A Dad rushes into a burning building to save his child; a single Mom in her 30s works full-time while she earns a law degree; a retired grandmother raises three grandchildren because the parents can’t/won’t; a husband & wife decide to lay aside their differences so their children won’t have to be divorce statistics. I’m sure you could come up with other examples.

What, you might be asking, does this have to do with the internal argument about how much I ate on vacation?  Why do I constantly sabotage myself by giving in to Krispy Kreme donuts, fried fish, late night eating, not exercising, short-cutting my sleep to watch late night TV and the many other things that I know are wrong for me? Could it be that I have yet to see these issues as million dollar goals? Losing 10 pounds so I can ‘look cute/young/sexy/fit into smaller clothes etc’ is a chump change goal, not worthy of my total engagement so I rarely give it my consistent, best effort. On the other hand, being healthy/improving the quality of life, a special gift from God,  is a million dollar goal. And if this is the true goal, there is no room for excuses. Yes, it’s hard at times. Yes, it requires sacrifice and self-denial but the goal is big and important! That’s million dollar thinking. Sitting in 11A on Delta flight 2337, I knew exactly what God was trying to tell me.

In what area are you guilty of chump change thinking? Do you need to go back to school so you can have a career and not a job? Do you need to be more consistent with taking your medicines or managing your weight?  Are you allowing your children to run wild? Is your marriage lackluster?  Is your relationship with God relegated to Wednesday night and Sunday morning?  If so, you might want to change the lens through which you are viewing the situation. Chump change thinking will never lead to anything lasting and permanent. Chump change thinking will always give up before the goal can be reached. Chump change thinking will allow you to deceive yourself with excuses that make you feel good or justified for a minute but keep you mired in wrong actions. It’s time to be grown up enough to put aside chump change thinking, elevate our focus and reach for higher goals and higher heights! You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.

When the goal is big enough the details don’t matter!

A Dad

I wrote this poem last year for my husband of nearly 30 years, Gerald A. Cox, Jr. I repost it to honor him and all of the wonderful Dads in my life (a truncated list):  Danny McNeal, Sam McNeal, Sandy McNeal, Walter Brinkley, Deione Cox, Derrick Cox, Derrick Cox, Jr., Dameon Broadus, Phillip Cox, Keith Mary, Keith Bullock, Kevin McNeil, Flint Fowler, Keith Cosby, Tom Howell, Kevin Jenkins, David Abney, Daryl Ward, & Walter Green. I love you guys!!

 

Donna Cox for her husband of nearly 30  years

Being a father is a relatively easy task

All it takes is the passing of appropriate body fluids at the opportune time

Being a father doesn’t necessarily mean responsibility

Nor does it automatically bestow certain privileges

But being a Dad – ah, that’s an entirely different matter

Being a Dad isn’t easy

It requires everything a man has to give – and then some

A Dad sacrifices personal desires and plans so he can be available to his child

A Dad wipes runny noses, dirty behinds, and dries salty tears

A Dad plays silly games and sings goofy songs

And makes up outlandish stories – for the price of a smile

A Dad will dress in a boa and frilly hat for a tea party with his girl

A Dad will shoot bad guys, scale mountains and leap tall buildings with his boy

A Dad will take three hours doing a one-hour job so his child can ‘help’

A Dad will kneel by his child’s bed and pray while she sleeps

or gives birth to her own child

A Dad will slip $20 into his adult son’s hand before he heads out the door

A Dad doesn’t have to give birth to a child to love him or her

So his grandson can put big shoes on small feet and call him ‘Dad’

A niece can sidle up to her uncle and, in her heart, call him ‘Dad’

A Dad seeks intimate relationships with his children

He knows he can’t expect them to give what he isn’t willing to provide

So he shares his mistakes and struggles in the hope his child will share hers

A Dad can be a father with ease

BUT a father has a long road to walk before he can be a dad.

Happy Father’s Day to a Real Dad!

Christian Enough?

Last night I had a wonderful conversation with a UD student over dinner. The topic of our conversation could be the subject of entire conferences – is it ever appropriate to use the N word?  Considering I had, earlier that morning, read a Facebook status in which a friend referred to “Nigga squirrels” messing in her yard, I was prepared to give my comments on usage. But I digress. As I said, that’s another topic altogether.  What captured my attention then and has continued to stir my spirit was his response to my question about whether or not he was a Christian. My young friend told me that he was probably as much a Christian as I. My response – there are no degrees to salvation. Either a person is saved or not. If he is a Christian, he IS as much a Christian as I am – no more, no less.  I find nothing in scripture that supports the notion that some people are super Christians and others are not. Scripture teaches that all fall short of the glory of God and are in need of God’s mercy, that’s from the pulpit to the farthest reaches of the sanctuary, from senior citizen to young child, from the ‘been saved all my life’ to the person who just asked Christ into her heart.

Becoming a Christian is a very simple matter: Romans 10:9 If  you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. You don’t have to jump up and down and twirl around four times, say 200 hallelujahs, There are no super Christians but there certainly are carnal or baby Christians (Read 1 Cor. 3:1-9). I had another conversation with students in my sacred music and worship class (I love my job!) about this. The Church has established all kinds of traditions (rites/rituals) and doctrines – very important ones to be sure – that are too often elevated above the simple truth of the Gospel of Christ. I reminded my students that Christ didn’t have this conversation with the thief on Golgatha’s hill.

Thief – will you remember me when you come into your kingdom?

JC – I’d love to my friend but see, you haven’t been baptized and it’s obvious that I can’t give you communion right now. There is no time for you to get your life together and change your thieving ways. As much as I’d love to help you, if you don’t do these things, I’m going to have to let you roast in hell.

No, Jesus very simply told the man ‘today you’ll be with me in Paradise.’ (Luke 23:43)

So, I reminded my students that once they accept Christ as savior it is a done deal. Don’t misunderstand, it is possible to accept Christ and still live a life of total depravity and in such a way that you are responsible for ushering others into hell.  None of it would undo the completed work that Christ did on your behalf. YET, why would you want to live so far beneath the life Christ came to give? Becoming a Christian is easy. Being a Christian is the journey! Christ came so that you could have and live an abundant life! But,  in order to experience the abundant life you need to move beyond the carnal/baby Christian stage so you can feast on the meat of the Word instead of continue to drink its milk! There is only one degree of salvation – saved or not. But, there is a wealth of difference in the way that salvation is lived out.

In some sense, perhaps my young friend’s response to my query about his salvation helps us to think more fully about this important season. We owed a debt we could not pay. God loved with a love we cannot understand. Because of that matchless love, God sent His only son to earth to pay our debt. Christ willingly took upon Himself each and every one of your sins and my sins. He willingly allowed Himself to be hung on the cruel cross, to suffer, and ultimately to die in your place, to die in my place. That makes us equal! And when Jesus thwarted death who thought he could keep Jesus in that borrowed tomb, He brought each of us into a resurrected, new life. This life demands an individual and daily response – to choose life instead of death.

How do you answer the question? Are you a Christian? If so, you’re already as saved as you will ever be. The question, then, is not related to how saved you are. The question is Where are you on the journey?

 

Why Spring?

At first glance it seems interesting, perhaps even counter intuitive that we would celebrate the resurrection at this time of the year. The sorrow of the cross seems better suited for the dark days of winter. Instead, as the days continue to lengthen and flowers push their way out of ground that’s been hardened and compacted by winter, we remember the day Jesus pushed His way up, out of grave cloths that had Him bound. As we watch trees sprout leaves and showy spring blossoms, we think of Jesus shaking off the stench of death from the cruel crucifixion and three days of decomposition. By all things… normal?… Jesus should have been dead, never to be seen again. As I survey my yard I see the tenacious plants defying the gravel we use for mulch to take their rightful place in the garden. No stones will keep them in the ground. And in seeing them, I imagine Jesus commanding a much larger, more imposing stone to get out of His way! No rock would hold Him in a tomb when His work had not been completed. For, if Jesus’ story ended in the dark days of winter, in His death and burial, my own story would be totally meaningless.

Why spring? Because, our plants are a constant reminder, in miniature form, of the way Jesus shook off the ravages of winter’s death, stretched His limbs while they reactivated and GOT UP! As our plants make their presence made known, we see the power of life over death. Winter reminds us of the seemingly barrenness of death (a subject for another time). Spring reminds us that we live because Jesus got up and yet lives! We can turn our faces to the warming sun and let it thaw the ravages of cold deep in our spirits. We can open our souls to the healing and nurturing rains and be glad!

If we but only take the time to really look, we can see evidences of new life, new hope, new reasons to rejoice!

S I M P L I F Y

I just finished a wonderful retreat with twelve other women. We laughed, cried, danced, ate, meditated, journaled, created – all in an effort to step away from our normalcy and consider a new normal that includes slowing it down! My goal for 2011 is to put more life into my life! As the hymn goes, time is filled with SWIFT transitions. I don’t want to wake up one day and realized that, though I had accomplished many things, I had forsaken the greater… ‘love the Lord your God with all of your heart, soul, strength, mind and your neighbor as yourself.”

Neighbor encompasses a lot of folk, from the baby lying in your arms, your spouse, parents, the folk who live in your community, the ‘bum’ on the corner as well as the folk on the other side of the world. And loving all of these folk in a way that honors the Lord starts with loving SELF the way God loves you! When we love ourselves, we have more love and compassion to share because we offer it from a full well!  When we love self in a Godly way, we take care of ourselves. We cannot expect anyone else to take better care of us than we take care of ourselves! And when we are well-tended, we have better capacity to take care of others in a way that does not make us into self-created martyrs.

So, brothers and sisters. take a few minutes each day to shift your focus.  One way to do it that is to

SIMPLIFY

Slow Down

Imagine Doing Less

Make Time for Loved Ones

Practice Patience

Learn to Quietly Say No

Increase Your Quiet Times

Follow Your Heart

Yield to LIFE

(author unknown, Portal Publications)

To My Precious West Family

Farewell to cousin, Kenneth Lee West, better known as Kim!

To my family,

It is with sorrow and hope that I write on behalf of your Dayton family. The funeral places a period at the end of Kim’s life – our Kim – cousin, brother, uncle, father, friend. Yet, that period doesn’t have to signify the end of Kim’s impact in our lives. We each have a store of memories from which to draw. Though I’ve spent the majority of my life living far from Sanford, and I didn’t really get to know the adult Kim, I thank God for the precious memories of the little boy with the ready laugh that I grew up with, the boy I played with, shared meals with, fought with – no wait, that was Mitchell (smile).  Our memories of Kim reduce the finality of the period. Yet, as precious as our memories of Kim are, his death gives us something much more important. His passing gives us an opportunity to reflect upon and re-evaluate our own lives. None of us knows how much time we have left. As it was for Kim, death doesn’t often give advance warning of its arrival. We don’t get a chance to yell ‘do over’ when we look at our yesterdays. And tomorrow is a gift we only hope to unwrap. Today, right now, is the only time we have. In this moment, as our lives are intimately touched by the passing of our precious Kim, we face our own immortality. When the period is placed at the end of our lives, when we’ve closed our eyes for the last time in this world, where will we open them? Where will we spend eternity? This is a critical question. It is my deep desire that we have a serious family reunion beyond Heaven’s gates. I want to know that every member of our family will live forever with Christ. Yet, as important as this question is, we cannot afford to neglect the here and now. Don’t be content to simply slide into heaven. Walk boldly, knowing you’ve lived a victorious life, doing the best with what you have. The God who created Kim, who formed him before (Aunt) Mae and Daddy (Uncle Robert) even met, is the same God who promises each of us an abundant life, the God who offers the blessed hope that we will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! This is Kim’s gift to us.

I love you all.
Donna McNeill Cox
Gerald, Jonathan, Jamie, Hezekiah

2011: Things To Make You Go Hmmm

2011 – Can you believe 11 years have passed since folk thought every computer would crash or the world would end at Y2K? It just proves that God is the only one who knows the future. In fact, God is the only one who HOLDS the future. As I sit on this side of 2011 I do so having had two deaths within a week: Uncle Henderson who died on 12/26 and Cousin Kim (Kenneth) who died 1/2. Their deaths bring clarity to a couple of important issues, ones we might tend to allow to grow out of focus if we aren’t careful. The first I’ve already alluded to: God alone knows what tomorrow brings. Because we don’t know the future, it is critical that we answer the important questions. Where will you spend eternity? What is the most important thing in your life? In what are you investing? In whom are you investing? What do you most want to accomplish with the time you have left? There are many other questions but the answers all stem from the way you respond to the first question I posed: Where will you spend eternity?

The second area that tends to grow fuzzy relates to priorities. If I were to ask you to list the most important things in your life I think most people would write the ‘ideal’ list – God, family, health etc. However, if they compare their espoused priorities with their actual ones, they would find a serious disconnect. 2011 is a wonderful time to bridge the gap between what we say is important and on what we really ‘spend’ our time, energy and money. I use the word ‘spend’ deliberately.

I encourage you to devote some time to thinking about these two areas: 1) You don’t have any idea just how much time you have left on this earth. Tomorrow is not promised, yesterday is not a ‘do-over’ and tomorrow is a gift you hope to get to open.  2). What are your real priorities and how do you make sure they stay crystal clear?

Be blessed in 2011.

Exciting Announcement

I am delighted to announce the arrival of my newest project, a children’s book HEZEKIAH LOVES MUSIC: LEARNING RHYTHMS THE FOOD WAY.

This is an adorable, full color illustrated children’s book that teaches readers to read and play simple rhythmic patterns. From child to seasoned citizen, experience the joy of learning to ‘read’ music in a simple, fun way.

You may order the book directly from me at this website – http://revdonc.wordpress.com/bookstore/.  It will be in the on-line bookstores within a few weeks but no need to wait; get your copy directly from me. And if you haven’t gotten your copies of my other books, those are available as well.

Be blessed.
Rev. Donna

Do You Celebrate Christmas?

I’ve been working with a wonderful illustrator in Mumbai, India. As a sidebar, my newest book, Hezekiah Loves Music: Learning Rhythms The Food Way, will be available for purchase the first of the year. It’s a cute little book. Anyway, I’ve worked with Marilyn on two books now and am so excited by the collaboration. In the process of our work I’ve been blessed to have her ask me to pray for a friend who was going through a major difficulty. In our last exchange, I asked if she celebrated Christmas. Her answer is the reason I’m writing this post today: “Yeah… We do celeberate Christmas. We’re Christians .”

Her response brought me up short. How many of us TRULY associate celebrating Christmas with being Christian? I mean, many Americans participating in this holiday are decidedly NOT Christian. And many Christians just might not be exhibiting Christlike behaviors and attitudes – at least not in a way that tells the world we are eagerly anticipating the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ! If we are honest, it is difficult to keep Christ the focus of our celebrations in the midst of buying & wrapping gifts (or worrying because there isn’t enough money to get everything on everyone’s list) and planning the holiday feast.

So, what does it mean to say ‘yeah, I celebrate Christmas. I’m a Christian?’  And does saying it mean we should not buy gifts for our loved ones or adorn our homes with beautiful decorations?  I don’t think so. The true meaning of Christmas is about the act of giving. God so loved you, me, the person you don’t want to speak to, your husband/wife even though he/she gets on your last nerve, the homeless person, the President and King – God so loved THE WORLD that God GAVE the most precious gift there has or ever will be. God exhibited God’s love, even for haters (that would be you and me) and GAVE. So, at Christmas, we can proudly say ‘I celebrate Christmas; I’m a Christian’ and GIVE – presents, a word of hope, a beautiful warm home into which we invite family and friends, food, clothing & toys to those less fortunate. We can shower our children with things that make them happy. The key to it all is recognizing that God was the first giver and that God is the ultimate giver. God is an extravagant gifter: salvation, abundant life, eternal life, resources to meet our needs and help others. We have to contextualize our giving, especially at this time. We give because God gave. Our act of giving is merely a shadow of the way God treats us. And we remember that Christmas is about Easter. The beautiful images of the Christ child are important but if he had remained a child we would have remained lost. Christ was born to DIE. So we eagerly anticipate the birth of Christ as God’s gift to us, a gift that would keep on giving to the point of death on the cruel cross. We give each other gifts in this context. And as Christians, we tell the story, through our gifts and most importantly, through our living. Yes, I celebrate Christmas. I’m a Christian.

Eradicate The Shadows

As I near the time when we’ll watch 2010 slip into 2011 (on my knees as we’ve done most of the past 30 years), I think about all of the ways I’ve willingly allowed the enemy to do what he does best: kill, steal and destroy. 2010 has been a blessed year in so many ways and before 2011 arrives I will deliberately focus on those (see http://revdonc.wordpress.com/2010/01/03/reflecting-on-what-was-and-what-will-be/).  Yet, at this point there’s something else that must claim my attention.

I’ve been on a mission to complete unfinished projects hanging over my head. And I’ve been successful in several arenas. A couple of projects will need to be totally retooled making them effectively new. Others need to be scrapped altogether. But the biggest, most important project that must be completed before the end of 2010 relates to house cleaning and temple cleansing.  I realized early this morning as I lay in my bed having ‘a little talk with Jesus’ that I still have unfinished spiritual business. I started forgiving a few people for deep hurts and I didn’t go all the way. I prayed for deliverance in areas but didn’t complete my work. I asked for painful memories to be excised; I anointed my home against unwelcomed and illegal spirits. In each of these cases the good work was begun and in most, through spiritual negligence on my part, that work wasn’t completed.  This morning, hovering between sleep and full awareness, I heard myself asking God to eradicate the shadows of every sinful act and thought (mine & anyone else who lives here or who has ever visited).

Perhaps you’ve been on the amusement park ride, Pirates of the Caribbean. Holograms of ghosts dance across ballroom floors, sit at dinner tables, sleep in beds and even leave the ride sitting in your car. Likewise, many of us have shadows of spirits living in our homes, in our hearts, minds, and souls. And though they have no real substance they serve as constant reminders of failure and pain. Though they are insubstantial, they continue to weigh us down. Like invited guests, they make themselves comfortable in all parts of our homes and lives, ensuring that we stay anchored in a past that God has already forgiven and wants to move us beyond.

The good news is there are several days left in 2010 – plenty of time to eradicate the shadows.

I refuse to give a free ride to anyone or anything that adds no value to my life. Time, like a river, is ever moving. I don’t want to have to wonder why life seems to be passing me by. I want to live life, not endure it. God sent Jesus – the reason for this season – so that you and I could have an abundant life, one so full that it overflows onto everyone around us! Living with shadows is not a full life. Living in the shadows is not prosperity. Shadows dwell at that juncture between light and darkness. Turning the light up to its fullest, most brilliant setting dispels every shadow. Too little light creates shadows! Jesus IS the light, not just of the world but of my world and of your world. So, Jesus, I ask you, in the words of the old hymn, to ‘shine the light of heaven on my soul (on my home, on my marriage, job, finances, children – every part of my life) and if you find anything that shouldn’t be, take it out and straighten me. I want to be right; I want to be saved; I want to WHOLE!! Help me eradicate the shadows!